Judgement, balance and authenticity.
balance
/ˈbaləns/
noun
1. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
This morning I was driving to do guru puja at the temple and was feeling sleepy so I turned on the radio to wake me up and went to my favorite station — 105.7 — to listen to some spanish music. I was vibing with it but as I turned into the temple I turned it off. That was when the silence hit me, it was such a big contrast between the nature of the spanish song and the nature of the empty temple parking lot at 6:45 in the morning. Sitting there, I had a thought that perhaps it was un-devotee like for me to listen to spanish music right before doing guru puja. I mean, I know some people who wouldn’t approve of it but I also don’t have aux in my car to listen to kirtan and didn’t want to fall asleep on the silent drive. Also, why did it matter what I played on the radio? I was freshly showered, wearing clean clothes and in the mindset to serve guru. But at the same time I know that what you let your senses absorb comes out in your consciousness. Agh, this led me on a whole internal debate in which I concluded that I need to raise the standards I hold myself to and stop being a bad devotee.
But then I considered, what makes someone a “bad devotee”? That they listen to karmi music? That they don’t do morning program for their home deities? That they eat out a lot? Watch a lot of tv? I don’t like the term because it makes krishna consciousness seem so black and white, like you can either be a good devotee or a bad devotee, but I don’t think that’s the case at all. There is so much grey area and all of us have both bad and good devotee traits in us. For example, someone could definitely present a strong case for why I am a bad devotee but at the same time I’m sure someone could present a strong case for why I am a good devotee. The truth is I’m simply just a devotee. I love Krishna, I love my guru and I love serving the vaisnavas. At the same time I love Spanish music, I love eating out and I love watching drug crime TV shows on Netflix. It’s just me, and I definitely have a lot to improve on, but that’s who I am as a whole person. The more I try to separate or specifically lean towards one side of who I am, the less authentic and happy I feel. The definition of balance is, “An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady” and being who I am as a whole allows me to stay balanced and comfortable. It allows me to recognize that krishna consciousness is not something I’m a part of but rather something that is and always will be a part of me.
We need to stop caging both ourselves and others in a box of our expectations of what an ideal devotee looks like. We all are such different people with different personalities, quirks and interests but at the end of the day we are all devotees and more over — all souls on our journey home. Although, we practice the path of Bhakti yoga, I don’t think it looks the same for all of us. It changes depending on time, place and circumstance. An example I thought of was Jay Shetty and Radhi Devlukia. They don’t wear tulsi malas or post doing krishna conscious activities yet they help millions by deeply integrating the basic principles of bhakti into their lives and sharing it with others. Who knows what spiritual practices they do at home but they’re clearly devotees of the lord.
At the end of your life, it’s not about whether you managed to fit into the mold of an ideal devotee but rather if you have developed the right mood, truly understood this path and hold love in your heart towards guru and gauranga.
Just some thoughts xoxo
